


Nanase Craft and the Mystery Box

by Zee_McZed



Series: EGS Flash Fic Week 2019 [4]
Category: El Goonish Shive, Myth Adventures - Robert Asprin
Genre: Brief non-explicit exhibitionist tendencies, EGS Flash Fiction Week 2019, F/F, I still have no idea where this came from, Mild Angst, Unlikely Crossover, cursed items, wonder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 22:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20535326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee_McZed/pseuds/Zee_McZed
Summary: EGS Flash Fiction Week 2019, Day 5 - "Nanase Craft"Nanase hired Circe to uncurse items in her collection. It turns out one of them is not cursed. Not exactly.





	Nanase Craft and the Mystery Box

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 - "Nanase Craft"   
This one took longer than expected because I really got on a roll.   
Crossover with Robert Aspirin's "Myth Adventures" series. Read it sometime. The puns are awful.

"And how did I know I would find you out here?" Nanase Craft, Archaeologist for Hire, smirked as she stood on the edge of her pool. Sarah Black - assistant, pack mule, Actual Archaeologist, and recent inductee into Nanase's particular brand of insanity delved beneath water again, then came up right next to her.   
  
"Because you have an actual-factual-climate-controlled-indoor pool. Who wouldn't be here?"   
  
"Well. Circe, but that's for other reasons." She glanced back towards the door and sat down, dipping her feet in the water. "I'm going to head down there to check on her progress."   
  
"You haven't checked on her?" Sarah didn't bother trying to hide her surprise. Hiring Circe, immortal fairy and fetishistic dungeon creator, as a live-in cursebreaker and arcana consultant was a good move. She was playful, had more wisdom than you could guess at from her impish demeanor, and Nanase evidently just had THAT MANY cursed artifacts to deal with. That had been three days ago.  
  
"Well, sure I have, but whenever I've bumped into her outside of the Artifact Cellar she just asks about food. Or coffee."  
  
"You gave her access to caffeine."  
  
"She's had it before." Nanase said in as reassuring a tone as she could.  
  
"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Sarah pushed herself up on the edge and grabbed a towel, patting herself down. She tried not to think about the fact that Nanase was ogling her. Like, straight-up ogling. On the one hand, it was nice to have the reassurance that Nanase evidently DID think she was that cute. On the other hand, priorities dammit! "Can I just say that it's weird that you have a dedicated artifact cellar?"  
  
"Not THAT weird." Nanase rolled her eyes. "Where was I going to keep my collection of gray-market magical items? The bedroom?"  
  
"An off-site storage area, maybe? One of the many, many surface level rooms? I mean, you turned that ballroom into a practice parkour course." When Sarah had moved in, Nanase had literally just told her to pick 'any of the bedrooms she wanted', and she was spoiled for choice. The one around the corner hallway from Nanase had been the one she chose in the end; it was cozy, and had an awesome view.   
  
"Okay, fair, but I don't drink wine, and the wine cellar was just sitting there..." The duo padded through the hallway into the kitchen, and from there down a neatly tucked away spiral staircase. Twenty feet down, roughly underneath Nanase's freezer, sat a black-haired, pointy-eared fairy, sipping a cup of black coffee and examining a jade bracelet. She brightened when she heard the oncoming footsteps, popping up to her feet.   
  
"HEY!" Circe waved. "You have awesome timing! I'm just finishing up with this one."  
  
"Uh." Sarah's eyes widened. "Good. Good to hear. Uh. Did we interrupt something?"  
  
"Why would you think that?" Circe propped her hands on her hips.   
  
"Mostly because of your current state of dress." Sarah's eyes drifted. Circe was wearing the same baggy-pants-and-bandeau-top number she'd been wearing when they first met her, with the addition of a silk dressing gown over top of it. Both, however, were far more sheer than Sarah expected. Nanase cocked her head to one side.  
  
"Well, I mean, she DID see us naked after she shrank us, this is just turnabout..."  
  
"Nanase!"   
  
"Oh, these aren't normally like this. I just tripped over a lesser curse while removing a major curse." Circe's cheeks flushed. "I, uh. I can't really cover up. Anything I put on..." She shifted and pulled off the robe; it immediately turned opaque, the gossamer grey garment turning jet black with a floral gold print around the hem. Sarah squinted, poking at the fabric as if double-checking that it wasn't some kind of elaborate illusion.   
  
"Okay. And the major curse that got broken was...?"  
  
"Implantation of exhibitionist tendencies." Circe grinned sheepishly. Sarah's palm and face held an emergency business meeting that, while brief, was fruitful.   
  
"Naturally." Sarah said.   
  
"Can you break this curse?" Nanase redirected quickly. "I mean, I'm not going to complain if you can't, but it's going to make the dinner party in October really awkward."   
  
"Oh, of course!" Circe waved it off. "I just need some more supplies. Removing a curse before it hits someone is easy, but once it's affected you, there's usually some kind of ritual or material components to use." Nanase and Sarah both took a look over at the bracelet at the same time. Jade. Chinese. Late 2nd to early 3rd century CE.   
  
"And those components would be...?" Nanase prompted.   
  
"Enough cheap green tea to bathe in and like forty cloves of garlic?"   
  
"We HAVE the tea."  
  
"But not the garlic." Circe insisted.   
  
"...fine, fine, I'll get some when we're out." Nanase's eyes hooded as she leaned in slightly. "I'm starting to think the 'major curse' did affect you."  
  
"Wouldn't change much." Circe mumbled under her breath.  
  
"...pardon?"  
  
"ANYWAY!" Circe clapped her hands together sharply. "I've managed to de-cursify more than half the items down here that had serious issues. You can now handle anything down here without worrying about getting ditzified, turned into a frog, or becoming a statue."   
  
"A statue." Sarah froze to the spot. "You had something that would petrify people?!"   
  
"Technically." Nanase coughed into her hand. "You'd have to open like twelve locks and ignore a bunch of written warnings on the case before that could happen. Not like I'd be leaving it out for that to happen to anyone."  
  
"Like you did with the breast expansion girdle?" Circe prodded.   
  
"Hey, you'd have to lace that on and - ANYWAY. What's left?"  
  
"Everything in that alcove." Circe threw a thumb back over her shoulder, gesturing to a room she'd marked off with yellow tape reading "CURSED ITEMS INSIDE - USE CAUTION" in bold black letters. "It's all neatly catalogued with those little yellow sticky notes. None of the remaining curses are anything severe, but they're all really annoying. Or niche." Sarah walked up to the alcove, squinting into the shelves and reading the closest yellow note.   
  
"Curse vector: touch. Curse effect..." She leaned in an inch or so closer, careful to not lean past the tape. "...causes a haddock to fall on your head whenever you smoke?"  
  
"Definitely one of the niche ones." Circe crossed her arms. Nanase cleared her throat.   
  
"Aaaaand, ah... did you happen to see a certain puzzle box down here? Mahogany and silver, folds around in endless configurations..." Sarah turned slowly. Something weird was going on here. Nanase sounded... not nervous, but... anxious, maybe?  
  
"Yes!" Circe clapped her hands once. "It was NOT cursed so I put it back with the others."  
  
"...what." Nanase's face fell. "That. Uh. That thing ATE one of my previous assistants. I'm pretty sure it's cursed."  
  
"ATE?!" Sarah blurted.   
  
"Well, no. It didn't. It's a transplanar portal in a box. Your assistant just folded it into a particular configuration and opened it to another world." The silence was deafening. Both Nanase and Sarah were gawking, jaws hanging open. "...what? Look, it's cool, you don't have to feel guilty-"  
  
"Ellen's alive somewhere?!" Nanase blurted.   
  
"There are multiple worlds?" Sarah squawked, at approximately the exact same time.  
  
"Um. Presumably and yes?" Circe prodded her index fingers together. "I mean I can't promise the first one, some worlds are super dangerous, but... maybe?"   
  
"Can you figure out where it opened to last?"   
  
"Oh. OH! Sure! That's easy." Circe ran back into the cellar, returning with the box. "Just take it and fiddle here... punch here... and... feel these?" Sarah had watched it all. It felt like her eyes were itching after seeing how the box folded, but she almost understood how. Almost. Nanase rubbed at the box - and shook her head.  
  
"Not in the slightest."  
  
"Dang. Okay, there's mana threads here. Literal manifestations of the magic. I just have to untangle these..." She twisted it a few more times. "Turn here, and..."   
  
Sarah wasn't exactly sure what happened after that. In one moment she was in the cellar. In the next, she was in a massive open-air market. In her swimsuit. With a towel wrapped around her waist. Nanase was next to her.  
  
"...okay." Sarah cleared her throat. "This is... weird. Where's Circe?"  
  
"Maybe she opened the portal in such a way that she didn't get sucked in?" Nanase shrugged. "We need to get our bearings. C'mon."  
  
"I don't think it'll matter. We're not on Earth anymore."  
  
"What makes y-" Nanase's words died out as Sarah pointed. There were two massive shaggy ogre-things arguing with a busty green-haired amazon in scant clothing. Three winged imps dressed in a way that suggested they were on the way back from a three-martini lunch. An actual human in a bowler hat, chasing a dozen duckbilled purple dragons around with a broom. "...oh. Huh. Right, extraplanar travel. Well... we're offworld. But we're still in good standing, I think."  
  
"How can you say that?" Sarah muttered.  
  
"We know where our towel is."  
  
"Is that a reference to something?"  
  
"...after we teach you the joy of Twister, we are getting you caught up on the works of Douglas Adams." Nanase's tone was bluntly serious. "Alright. If there's anything I know, it's that we need to figure out where the hired hero types of this world congregate. Then we can do business."  
  
"So..." Sarah frowned. "...like a tavern, or..."  
  
-o-  
  
"This is depressing." Sarah slumped over a table at the Golden Arch Inn, which was - in every way that mattered - a McDonald's. Same flavorless hamburgers. Same shakes that were advertised as one flavor, but had bits of all three in there. Same halfway decent fries. Nanase returned to the table with two sodas; as Sarah sipped she confirmed that it was cola. Not Coca-Cola, but some local bastardization. Tasty, just not entirely familiar.   
  
"I got a lead."  
  
"How did you pay for the drinks?"  
  
"They take earth currency."  
  
"...wait, what?" Sarah brightened. "There are people from Earth here?"   
  
"Oh yeah." Nanase grinned. "Turns out we're at a place called the Bazaar at Deva. The market covers the whole world."   
  
"That's... that's insane." Sarah's eyes widened, the possibilities flooding through her head.   
  
"You have no idea. Turns out that planar travel is pretty normal here. We should be able to hitch a ride with someone, and I was able to get a line on someone who can help us."  
  
"Okay. So - you have enough cash for that?" Sarah glanced down at Nanase's shorts - and she shook her head.   
  
"Unfortunately... no. I had a twenty in my back pocket, but that's not nearly enough for that kind of service." She blanched slightly. "I'll probably be able to barter for the service, though."  
  
"Okay... first off, barter what? And second..." Sarah glanced around. "...don't you want to figure out where your missing assistant went? This place seems pretty friendly to outsiders. Either she's here, or she passed through on the way to Earth..."  
  
"The fellow they called in should be able to help with that, too." She pulled out a business card. "Word is he's a regular here, and he's a softie... but we should never suggest that to his face." Sarah read the card carefully.   
  
**M.Y.T.H. Inc **  
**Aahz, Executive VP and CFO**  
**Magical troubleshooting - Assessment services - Quests completed - Wars won**  
**No job too weird**   
  
"They put in a call to this guy?"   
  
"Mmmmhm. And he should be in anytime. Just let me do the talking. After all, I-"  
  
"After all, SHE'S the one that seems to know how to hitchhike properly." The voice behind them was like Danny Devito, pitched down and run through a blender full of gravel. He sat next to them, six feet of scaly greenness packed into a black suit, with keen yellow eyes and a mouth with entirely too many teeth. "Honestly, you don't know where your towel is?" Nanase looked a bit stricken. Sarah cleared her throat.   
  
"My associate was just caught off guard. We didn't expect to come to the Bazaar today."  
  
"Obviously." He crossed his arms.   
  
"I think introductions are in order." Sarah extended a hand. "I'm Sarah Black, archaeologist and researcher. This is my employer, Nanase Craft."  
  
"Aahz the Great and Powerful. No relation." He shook Sarah's hand gently.   
  
"I didn't think there was, you don't look like a nebbish professor with a thing for holograms." Aahz's eyes widened.   
  
"It's been years since anyone got that joke." He sounded amazed. Utterly blown away. Which, of course, made for the perfect time for Nanase to interject.   
  
"We're probably the first to come from Earth, then."  
  
"First in a damn long time, that's for sure." He squinted. "So let me guess. You somehow D-hopped here and don't have a way back?"  
  
"Got it in one."  
  
"And the idiots here volunteered me for cab service."  
  
"You're pretty sharp." Nanase grinned.  
  
"So what's in it for me?"   
  
"Cursebreaking services." A long beat passed. Aahz leaned in closer, grinning ear to ear.   
  
"You have my interest."  
  
"We employ a certain arcane specalist who is ridiculously skilled at curse breaking. In three days, she's 'disinfected' half my collection of cursed artifacts, and that was a very... very impressive collection by local standards."   
  
"So fair to middling by everyone else's standards." Aahz mumbled. "Still, continue."   
  
"Hop us home, offer one more bit of information, and the first three curses broken are free." Nanase smiled - as Sarah rolled her eyes. Ah. So this was how she was playing it.  
  
"Tentatively, done. The information you need?"   
  
"The location and status of someone else that fell through to this world, almost three years ago. A previous assistant. Ellen Dunkel."   
  
"Ellen..." He frowned.   
  
"My height. Busty. Greenette. Lazy, but quick on the uptake."  
  
"Oh, the trollop." Aahz laughed once. Sarah didn't have time to process what happened. The table was flipped over. Nanase had the scaly fellow by the throat. The room had gone silent but for the sizzling of cheap burgers.   
  
"Call her that again. I fucking dare you." He made a faint choking sound. "Call... my best friend... my assistant... and the woman I used to love a TROLLOP again!"  
  
"It's the female equivalent of 'troll'." The voice from behind them was ridiculously smooth, and from the slight crack at the end it was clear she was trying not to laugh. Nanase turned, Sarah leaning to one side, to see the girl approaching them. Now a bit taller than Nanase, though the boots probably had something to do with that, dressed in a slick pantsuit and packing half a dozen wands in a holster at her side. "Hey, Nase. You, uh... you wanna let my boss down?" Nanase did so, dropping him.   
  
"H... how?!"   
  
"Uh... long story." Ellen scratched at her head.   
  
"No, how - how could you not let me know you were alive?!"   
  
"Honestly?" Ellen cleared her throat. "It's kinda hard to contact your ex after something like that. I thought Mom would have told you."  
  
"I haven't talked to your mom in years!"   
  
"Really? She said she invited you to the Christmas get together a few times."   
  
"I... y..." Nanase gestured wildly a few times, before letting her arms go limp, head slumping. She took a step forward and hugged Ellen. "...this is why we broke up. You realize this."  
  
"That and the incident in Morocco."   
  
"We agreed that incident never happened."   
  
"Yeah, well, we agreed to a lot of things." Aahz took a few steps backwards, nudging Sarah.   
  
"...you wanna let them catch up, kid?"   
  
"Uh. Yes. Yes, please."   
  
-o-  
  
With a towel swapped for sweatpants and comfy shoes, Sarah followed Aahz through the marketplace. He wasn't going anywhere obvious, just wandering. Sarah was happy to take in the sights. "So... was... was Ellen telling the truth back there?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Trolls and trollops?"  
  
"Oh. Oh, yeah. You forget that half the names of these races come across as terrible puns. My partner's from Klah. He's a Klahd. I'm from Perv. So I'm a Pervect." Sarah bit back the urge to suggest that there was probably another name used for his people. "We genuinely thought she was a trollop who was a little weaker than the norm. I had reasons to think otherwise, but she carries herself like a trollop. Hits like one when she's really mad." He shrugged. "She's good with a gimmicked wand and smart as hell. Been a troubleshooter for M.Y.T.H. Inc for a year and a half now..."  
  
"And she never mentioned Earth?"   
  
"She said she had relatives offworld. Sent `em messages from time to time, got packages back with really good cookies. I'm guessing whatever happened between those two is gonna be awkward as hell to discuss." Aahz flicked a merchant a few coins and plucked a bulbous green vegetable from a stand, chomping into it whole. The acrid scent made Sarah's eyes water. "...how `bout you?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Your girlfriend there never mentioned her ex?"  
  
"She's not my..." Sarah trailed off. Was she? She kind of wanted that to be the case. It didn't seem to be yet. Still... maybe... she snapped the thought off. "She never talked about her previous assistant. I just kind of assumed that she'd been paid well enough to retire and did so."   
  
"Figures. Never keep secrets from a business partner. They'll always bite you in the ass when you expect it least." He grumbled, tossing the whole of the vegetable back with a loud and messy crunching sound.   
  
"Yeah..." She sighed. "...so you're getting the better of the deal Nanase made with you, right?"   
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Your apprentice there would probably kick your ass if you denied the request at this point. And the way you looked at her, you've got something cursed that you really, really need broken."  
  
"...I knew I was right." He smirked. "She's got experience, but you've got the eye."  
  
"Maybe." Sarah let her poker face settle in.   
  
"Yeah. But your boss is smart about this. Only the first three are free. We break a few curses with your fairy, we get used to you. Becomes habit to show up at your door with something needing to be cleaned out. And then..."  
  
"Profit." Sarah finished. "I get it. I don't necessarily like it, but it makes sense."  
  
"Business is business." He crossed his arms behind him. "Something you'll be smart to remember if you decide to set up shop here."   
  
"I don't think we'll be ready to set up shop offworld anytime soon." Sarah tried to keep her poker face in place. He shook his head slowly.   
  
"Yeah, but... this place draws people in. The Bazaar's addictive. There's mysteries here that you can't find the solutions to anywhere else. Once your eyes are opened up, `s kind of hard to close `em again."   
  
"Maybe, but..." Sarah trailed off. No. No way. There, at the end of a street, was... was her. Taller her. Bustier her. Wearing blue robes and with a huge, floppy wizard's hat. She was laughing, talking to a girl with wolf ears, and... and then she was gone. When she looked up, Aahz had stopped and was staring back at her with a smug grin.   
  
"But nothing. C'mon. Let's get you back to your girlfriend."  
  
"Not my girlfriend. And I have to get something if I can find it."  
  
-o-  
  
Nanase had been crying when she got back to the Golden Arch. So had Ellen. The green haired girl mumbled something to her mentor, and he patted her on the shoulder. She left. Evidently she'd said her goodbyes already. Sarah hugged Nanase gently.   
  
"You okay?"  
  
"No. Not - not really. I mean I will be. I'm better. Fully 'okay' might take an hour or two."  
  
"Would a crappy milkshake help?" She heard a soda jerk scream HEY! behind the counter and ignored it. Nanase laughed.   
  
"Nah. Let's just get going."  
  
"Right." Aahz pulled out a brass thing from his pocket, all dials and buttons, and punched a large red one. In the next moment they were... in Nanase's basement. Again. Circe screamed in shock, jumping back several feet.   
  
"Nanase?! Sarah? Y-"  
  
"We got the garlic." Sarah held up a paper bag overflowing with the stinking bulbs. Circe swallowed hard.   
  
"And... and that!?"   
  
"Aahz... the great and powerful." He bowed low, and Circe covered herself as best she could.   
  
"I... I'm not decent! I-"  
  
"Oh, like you homonids have anything I'd be interested in." He snorted, tossing the device to Nanase. "There. I have it set up for you. Write down the coordinates on the dial now. It'll take you to and from the Bazaar at will." Nanase blinked a few times, and laughed once.   
  
"That... wasn't part of the deal."  
  
"Ellen made me. `Sides, I have another one." He pulled an identical tool from his other pocket. "And after you help me out, I won't need it."  
  
"...meaning?"  
  
"It's a very long story, but... the cursed item I need cleaned out is me." Aahz grinned. "And that curse is sapping all my innate magic." Circe swallowed hard.   
  
"I'm... going to need a lot more coffee."  
  
-o-  
  
"How long is it going to take her?" Sarah leaned on Nanase's shoulder. Nanase grinned a little, despite herself.   
  
"A day or two. We're waiting on an Amazon order for sixty pounds of Matcha and a whole ghost pepper plant."   
  
"Any reason you aren't going to the Bazaar for that?"   
  
"Amazon's cheaper. I can deal with having an obnoxious green houseguest for a little while."   
  
"Hmm." Sarah wrapped an arm around Nanase. "So what did happen in Morocco?"   
  
"I..." Nanase sighed. "I took it for granted that she'd help me. Honestly, I took her for granted a lot. She started to resent it, and we didn't talk as much as we should have. We broke up, but she stayed with me for the business side of things... tried to stay friends. I guess it didn't work as much as it should have."  
  
"At least you've got another shot at it." Sarah didn't release her. Nanase turned and hugged her back.   
  
"Yeah. The 'friends' part at least." Nanase suddenly squeezed her harder. "...if I start to do anything that's in 'spectacular jerk' levels, let me know, okay? I don't want to lose anyone else the same way I lost her."   
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that." Sarah tucked her head into Nanase's shoulder. It wasn't a good time to ask if they were what she was starting to think they were. It wasn't a good time to do anything more. But she did feel a little steadier, a little more confident. And maybe... just maybe-  
  
-wait.   
  
"Nanase?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"When did you set up a Twister game?"  
  
"About an hour ago." She leaned back, taking Sarah by both hands. "Call it 'hopeful' if you want, but I was hoping you still wanted to-"  
  
"Why not? Grab Circe."   
  
"...really?"  
  
"Well, we need someone to work the spinner, right? Besides, she should be out of the garlic bath by now." Nanase snapped off a salute and charged off to the basement.   
  
Sarah's life had gotten spectacularly weird in the last few days. It was only going to get weirder. It was time she embraced that.


End file.
